There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I believe in your delicious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
