I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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