member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
