Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
