I just cut my nipple shaving
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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