sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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