i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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