I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
