Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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