Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
