girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
