I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh god the rape fog is back!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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