no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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