i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
