How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
