I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sober January is a disaster.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
