my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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