He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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