Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
