Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
