Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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