dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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