They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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