I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
