im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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