i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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