conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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