I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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