I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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