if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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