just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
