Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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