Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
