This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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