If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sarcasm needs its own font
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
