so explain again why im purple
no
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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