my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
