Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
