if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
