if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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