there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
