im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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