one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
