his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
