Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
