I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
