I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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