wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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