That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
