think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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