why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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